Group Theory

I'm not a joiner. It makes me uncomfortable. What's that Groucho Marx quote? I'd never join a club that would have me as a member? That's exactly how I feel. I'm sure I've written about this before.

Anyway, the weird thing is, I think people perceive me as the joiner-type. At the very least, they see me as personable. You know, I get along. But deep down inside that is really not me.

I act that way a lot, though. It's gotten me pretty far in life, to tell the truth. I'm not a People Person, but I play one on TV! I'm not phony; I'm not pretending. When I act enthusiastic and joyful and happy it's because I really am. When I tell animated stories and laugh and joke around with others I am being sincere.

But this is not my default mode. I'd rather be home lounging in bed most of the time. And I'm not a night owl so late night parties and after-parties aren't really my thing. I'm lucky if I can stay up past 10pm.

Okay, I've digressed a bit about not being a joiner. Back to point. What's happening is that I've decided to help out with a big Burning Man art project this year which is something I've never done before. It feels strange. I feel out of place. And yet, I'm fitting in perfectly.

People seem to remember me, remember my name, they think that I Belong. The project is being built at the warehouse where I work, so I'm known for my role as miss manager there. Also, I have skills. Some, anyway. I'm not a master-builder but I know how to use tools - I even have a few of my own. So, I can dive into the fray and do shit.

But, so far, things have been a bit disorganized, there's no groove yet. There are a lot of eager folks willing to help with not a lot to do. Makes me feel kinda funny inside, like I want to run away. But I'm trying. Because I think this will ultimately be a good learning experience for me. Get me out of my little isolated box. Put me outside of my comfort zone for a while.

We will see how things go as the summer progresses. It helps that my workspace is only one bay over so if I get really uncomfortable I can always retreat. But I don't think I'll need to. I think overall it's going to be lots of fun. And satisfying, too.

Look at me - I'm part of a Group!

Clerks Movie Dialogue of the Day:

"You hate people!"

"But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic?"