On The Brink Of Insanity

It's been an incredibly difficult week. I have been humbled in so many ways I cannot count. I've been lower then I can recall having been before. (And I've yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel, by the way). Being an artist is really, really hard. Being a human being is even harder.

How do we do it? How do we hang in there when the going gets tough? How do we forgive ourselves for our mistakes and missteps? How do we get through the near-impossible challenges that we set out for ourselves? All the while going about our days and nights - sometimes in sheer agony.

The Human Condition is very unique. I've yet to get a handle on mine. Maybe someday.

Blog Posting Update of the Day:

I won't be writing until after I get back from Phish Festival.

I'll tell you all the gory details of my adventures making and installing a sculpture for a large music festival for the first time. And also report about the strange, crazy world of Phish that I will be entering next week. Until then - Stay Sane!

Fakin' It

Knock Wood. Everything seems to be coming along well with my Phish Fest sculpture. At least, so far so good. I still have a bunch more work left but nothing I can't accomplish in a week or so.

Last week saw good progress. Even despite a couple of freak outs and melt downs. But then, it really wouldn't be my whole art-making process if I didn't have middle of the night worry sessions and crying bouts of insecurity.

I am very happy to say that so far I have completed welding all of the double spiral branches and made the base. The center pole sits snugly and securing on the base; it's quite stable. Especially when the base is staked into the ground.

The next step is to weld all of the channels that will hold the branches onto the center pole. Shouldn't take more then a day to do that. I still have yet to figure out the top but it'll all come together, I am sure.

I am still uncertain what the structure will be like once all of the branches are in place, though. There's gonna be a lot of force and weight involved. I sure hope the laws of physics don't bite me in the ass. But, at least, so far gravity hasn't been my enemy.

There's a lot of finish work and other details to attend to once the main structure is completed. So I am not out of the woods yet. But at least the journey has been pleasant, so far. The only monster that popped out of the wilderness was two days of foul weather that affected my work since a lot of what I've been doing is outdoors. I was, however, able to set myself up in my garage and get some work done while it was raining.

This has been such an interesting experience. It's been really challenging and to be completely honest I feel all of the time like I have no idea what I am doing. I'm just making this up as I go along. I feel out of my league but this is the league I wanna be in so I have just got to Bring It. Even if it means faking it.

I am coming to believe that is really what we all are doing. I mean, it's not like when we are born we are handed a book called "Life. And How To Live It". We just stumble blindly around hoping to find purpose, peace and happiness. We do the best we can without an instruction manual. It's kind of like putting together IKEA furniture but without all of the extra hex wrenches.

I may not know what I am doing but one thing I know for sure: I Enjoy What I Do. That's gotta be a chapter title in the living life how-to manual, right?

Fall Fun Recommendation of the Day:

The Petaluma Corn Maze

I have given myself the weekend off. No work; just play. This afternoon I am going to the Corn Maze with some friends of mine and their children. It's been an annual tradition of ours for many years. Although, it feels like in the past few years the maze has been getting easier. Maybe I'm just getting more skilled at not being lost.

Happy Halloween!

A Quick Post

I'm super busy welding away, trying to get everything done in time. Less then two weeks until I leave for Phish Fest! But while I let my welder rest a bit, here's a picture of detail of one of the flowers on it's spiral branch. Enjoy!

Live Music Frustration of the Day:

Tickets that sell out within two minutes of them going on sale on the Internet.

I'm not gonna bore you with the details of the most recent example of this type of thing. But it happened to me today and it's so super annoying. Damn scalpers and their automated ticket buying software. I just wanna go see live music - is that so wrong!

Just Keep Working, Just Keep Working....

So things are coming along with the Phish Fest sculpture. "Flower Spiral" is what I titled it. And honestly I have no idea what that means except that there are Spirals and there are Flowers on it. So there you go. But sometimes I forget and think it's called "Spiral Flower". Whatever. Same thing, I guess.

Anyway, I am taking things one little step at a time. Monday and Tuesday I bought some new equipment and materials. Yesterday I began actual work. Today saw some good progress.

I finished bending all of the rebar into spirals. 22 to be exact! The next step will be to cut the stems to length and begin welding spirals together to form the branches. I can do that now because today I picked up my brand new MIG welder. I am pretty excited. I now own a welder. I can work in metal any time I want to! Sweeeeet!

That is one of the best things about this project - I am being paid enough to not only make this sculpture and take it down to the festival but also to invest in some equipment. Plus, if I worked my budget out correctly I'll have enough money left over to fund some other project or art-related travel. Yay!

I am not usually one to post photos of myself on this blog (or on the Internet in general) but here are some shots of me doin' my thing, bending rebar. I dig my rebar bender/cutter, which I just bought on Monday. I think rebar is going to be a part of some future sculptures.

  

 

Okay, listen, I'll be totally honest with you. I posted these pictures mostly because I think I look pretty bitchin' doing my work. It takes muscle and I may be little but I've got 'em. And who's reading this anyway besides my mom and best friend from college and I know they both think I rock. So, I can be a little vain.

Oh yeah, that's my back yard I'm working in. Keepin' it on the cheap.

Musical Revival Recommendation of the Day:

"South Pacific" at the Golden Gate Theater in San Francisco (or touring in your major metropliton area.

I saw it yesterday and I gotta say it was really, really good. Now, partly I feel this way because I grew up on these kinds of musicals and I really do love the music. Actually, "South Pacific" is not one of my favorite musicals story-wise but who cannot hum along to Some Encanted Evening? Or, I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair? You know you are. And it's okay if you're singing "I'm gonna wash that grey right outta my hair." Good songs are good songs.

My Split Personality

So, my sign is Gemini and sometimes I get asked if I have a "split personality". You know, because Gemini is the Twins. Or better yet, occasionally I am asked if I am "two-faced". Yeah, that one is nice. No negative connotation there.

But the truth is I do feel like I have more then one personality. I reason that it's because when I am around other people I tend to bring out the parts of my character that are most like the person(s) I am with. You know, to make them more comfortable. And that seems to be a typical Gemini trait.

Or not. 'Cause, you know, there is one part of me that thinks this whole astrology thing is totally bogus. However, I confess there is the part of me that believes it all and reads my horoscope Every Single Day. There's that split personality thing. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Recently I came to the conclusion that there are in fact two of Me. There is the one that is goin' about my days, livin' my life, doin' my thing, writin' this blog entry, etc. Then there is the Other Me that just sits around watching that first Me all the while laughing and making fun of Me.

I don't intend that to mean that the Other Me is laughing and making fun in some kind of cruel way, though. Which makes me think perhaps my wording is incorrect. It's more like the "Observer Me" is taking it all in and trying to encourage the "Doer Me" to relax more often, not take life so seriously.

When things go great I am joyful. But when I do something stupid or ridiculous or annoying (which is often) instead of feeling bad or getting embarrassed I should just laugh and say "Silly Kitty!" 'Cause if you can't laugh at yourself in good humor, well, life can feel pretty tough. No need to self-inflict suffering, right?

So, thanks Other Me for keeping me in line. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

Art Update of the Day:

My Phish Festival sculpture proposal was accepted.

I just signed the agreement last Friday. So, I am a Busy Bee right now trying to get it done in the next three weeks. And also trying not to freak out because I feel like I have no idea what I am doing. Except, really, I do. I can totally do this! It's what I am meant to do, right? (Pep Talk over. Back to work.)