I Am Such A Retard

If you are offended by the fact that I used the word "retard" in the title of this post, I am very sorry. I am not using this word to imply that the mentally disabled would do something as stupid as what I did today. I am using it as a word to imply that there is seriously something wrong with me, which there is. Okay, PC disclaimer over.

Typing this is a little difficult because I have two, count them two, injuries on fingers on my left hand. Both stupidly inflicted by me.

The first one occurred in the studio this afternoon. I punctured my middle finger with a 1/16th inch drill bit. Yes, this is the same finger that got cut in Colorado this summer. That finger must think I am out to get it. It was a totally dumb move on my part with me being lazy. Completely avoidable.

Then, just tonight, cutting up some potatoes to put in a stir fry, I sliced a bit off my left ring finger. That one hurt. At that point I was, like, "I'm out. That's it. No more doing anything for me." Next thing you know I'll have taken out every finger on my left hand.

Work should be fun tomorrow.

Safety Tip of the Day: Avoid sharp objects.

When Someone Else Says What You Feel, And Says It Well, Why Say It Again?

This is along the same lines as the stuff I talked about in my last post about the Earth and the environment and stuff. I really enjoyed Mark Morford's column in the SF Chronicle from last Friday. Succinct and to the point. You can read it here.

I am starting to feel like something cool is going to happen with my growing interest in the environment and how it relates to my art. I met a friend of a friend last night who expressed enthusiasm about my "solar studio" idea. Perhaps something could come of this connection that would make this idea of mine actually happen.

Recycling Tip of the Day: Plastic in window envelopes is okay to put with your mixed paper recycling.

Just found that out. I hated having to try and seperate it or, at worst, just put the whole envelope in the trash.

New Job - New Ideas

I had my first day on the job at the winery yesterday. It's Artesa in the Carneros Valley, by the way. Anyway, I loathe first days. Just 'cause I really don't like new situations. I need a certain comfort level. But it's not a big deal really; I know that there's only one first day of anything. If I get through that then no worries. And it was fine, as I knew it would be.

But it was strange going to work in an office. Granted it's an office that's on the same floor as the wine storage and it smells like a wine cave and, well, it's pretty cool actually. Not like your normal "cube land". I think I'm gonna like it there. My first projects had me working on Photoshop and I have A Lot of experience sitting with that application all day because I use it so much for my website and portfolio. So that was not too bad.

I think the two worst things about the day were 1) getting lost in the place (it's a little confusing and definitely big) and 2) remember people's names when I was introduced to them. I used to stress so much in new jobs about knowing who people were but now I just wing it and know it will come eventually. A lot of "hey, how's it going" in the beginning.

The one major thing this changes is how much time I have available to work on my art. Because now I have committed two days a week to this job and once I start working again at the Folk Art Gallery next month I'll have even less time for art endeavors.

But I am thinking that is maybe a good thing because I honestly have no clue what the hell I am doing right now. But I will say I have some new ideas popping up. One is a clearer image of what to do with all the bottlecaps. It's nothing I would have imagined before and I really don't know exactly how it will come together yet but I think it's going to work out really well. More on that as it develops.

The other thing is that I have been reading a lot lately. And thinking. What's really been on my mind these days is Being Green and how I can incorporate this into my life and my art. I am talking about being more ecologically conscientious and humane. This world of ours is pretty big and I don't just mean spatially. It's older than humanity. And we just go about our days thinking this place was made as our little playground and we can do anything we please. Including Fuck It Up.

Don't get me wrong, I think that mankind's advances are astounding. I mean the Internet, come on, that's pretty cool. I don't want to go back to the days before the Industrial Revolution. I am no Luddite. I like my car. I just want to be more Aware. Thus, the book reading.

Today I finished Cradle to Cradle. It was a little bit dry at times but very enlightening. Though it did make me feel frustrated and angry and upset during the course of reading it, it also made me hopeful at the end. There are companies and industries out there that do care what kind of environmental impact they have on the Earth. And I now have more knowledge about little things that I can do in order to be "less bad". Anyway, if you have any interest in this kind of stuff I would recommend checking it out. If nothing else the material that the book is made of (not paper) is pretty cool.

So, what does this bring up in my mind in relationship to my art. Well, right now I am researching and thinking about using natural and biodegradable materials to make my sculptures. May not be entirely practical but even if I incorporate some Green principles into my art-making that can make a difference.

I also am thinking in the future about the studio that I could someday have. I'd love the building to be Green and powered by as much alternative energy as possible. I'd love for my art-making to have as little impact on the environment as possible. While it's being made, during it's life-span and long after. We'll see if anything comes of these ideas.

Next up to read: this book about how we eat and why are food choices are important. Eric is currently reading it now and I fear he is on his way to becoming a vegetarian as a result. That won't happen to me, though. I like meat and fish too much. But I can at least continue to try to be a Conscientious Omnivore.

Joyful Proclamation of the Day: I love Indian Summer!!!

Jasmine and I had such a nice hike this morning. Oh, it's so warm and sunny today. Yeah October!

Uncle! Uncle!

Okay, I give up. I concede. I quit. I'm out. You (whatever Force you are that I am fighting against) Win!

No matter what I try I just cannot seem to get this marble sculpture to be anything besides Sucks. I was not going for a Masterpiece here. Don't even need it to be Really Good. Doesn't Suck was my goal. And I can't even seem to manage that.

Sure I could take what I've got and polish it up real purty. But that would not take away from the fact that the form Does Not Work. There's even some very nice green veining going on but again that will not cover up the fact that it's not a good sculpture.

So, that's it. I can do no more.

Oh, hey, I got a part-time job at a winery in Napa. A bit of steady income will be nice. But I'd better watch it with that employee discount.

Lesson Learned of the Day: Know when to cut your losses.

Is This Some Kind of Test?

If this is a test, I think I am totally failing. But then nobody told me about it, so I didn't even get a chance to study. At least give me the opportunity to crib some answers off my neighbor. Oh wait. Art doesn't usually work that way.

Alright, here's the deal. Either the marble sculpture I am trying to make Does Not Want To Exist and is sabotaging me. Or it is trying to teach me something that I Am Failing To Learn.

I just can't seem to win with this little bugger. Right off I am starting with a major challenge in that the form blows. I did not do a good job when I first tried to make this thing and so unfortunately I have some design flaws to contend with. Last week I made attempts to get away from the original shape and go somewhere else entirely. Somewhere else that is, hopefully, less sucky. It wasn't going well but it wasn't going badly either. That is until I broke a chisel on Friday. Hmm, great way to end the week.

Today, I made another crack at it with my diamond blade. Really cut into the bugger trying to get some interesting lines, shapes, something. Alright, alright I knew that one spot was a little weak - not enough material to support and right along the bedding plane. One too many whacks and the whole piece would break in half. Did that stop me from pushing it with the hammer and chisel? Of course not. So, what does the dang thing do to me? Fall off in a grand manner. Sigh. I suppose as it should have. Teach me a lesson but good. Quit Forcing It!

So now I have two pieces, and they are two quite spectacularly sucky pieces I'd like to add. Full disclosure, here's an image of the two broken pieces.


What to do, what to do? I could just give it up but my obsessive nature is not letting me. Like a dog with a bone. So, I guess round, what are we on now, three, four? Right, the next round will begin tomorrow morning. If nothing else I will finish this Piece O' Crap. I am not a quitter. Hey, I'm sure Picasso had some stinkers? Right? Right?

Slow To Get On the Geek Trend of the Day: Geocaching.

Just found out about geocaching last month and I am now totally into it. Eric and I got ourselves a GPS last week and we are already hunting away. We haven't found many yet but there are over 200 geocaches within a five mile radius of our house alone. Lots of treasure to find. If you have no idea what I am talking about check out http://www.geocaching.com.

On Being Humbled

So every once in awhile I guess I need to be brought down a peg in my art-making to remind myself that I have a long, long journey ahead of me. It's like once you think you've got something all figured out then you need a slap in the face that says, "hey, you have barely scratched the surface in figuring anything out."

And so it goes with my stone-carving right now. I haven't really known what I want to be making art-wise these days but I want to keep working. So I've decided to attempt to finish up the first marble piece I ever started, back in 2002. To begin, it's a really hideous form. I just didn't know what I was doing at the time and didn't have a handle on how to use the right tools to make the shapes I wanted. So, it's not a great place to start.

Now I know how to better use tools to create forms that I like in marble. In fact I was even feeling like I was getting pretty good at it. But because this piece is already fraught with compositional issues, it's become a bear to work on. I feel like I have absolutely no skills what-so-ever as I work on this piece. Today I just kept cutting and re-cutting trying to get at some kind of shape that wasn't awful. By the end I decided to tip it on it's side and change the whole orientation of the piece - try to see it from a different angle - so that I can maybe find something to work with.

It was just a terrible day of carving. Not as bad as some of my Really Bad Art-making days, but not great. It's not a good feeling to make art that looks like crap. And right now that is definitely what this piece looks like. But I am positive that a descent form is trapped inside somewhere. I just have to find it. Hopefully I can do that before the whole stone is cut down to dust. It could happen!

* * * * *

On a positive note: Last week I finished up the second marble sculpture that I did in Colorado this year. You can view it here.

Spam Philosophy of the Day: Everything should be ok.

What Is An Artist?

My-Linh and I met for lunch today to discuss the David Smith book I had just read. We have decided to have a monthly Art Book Club. Just the two of us for now but maybe we'll expand out. Anyway, it was great talking about the things in the book that interested us and caught our attention. We discussed more than just the book and David Smith. We talked about our art practices and our influences and inspirations and ideas and, well, just whatever came up. It was really nice.

One of the topics that intrigued me was defining what makes someone an artist. It came up specifically because we both admired in David Smith the fact that he created all of his work himself. He even stated in the book that having his hands on all parts of the process was very important to him. This is something that is also very important to both My-Linh and myself. We love the process of artmaking just as much as the conceptual ideas behind a piece.

To us, it seems that a true artist is someone who makes a work from start to finish; from idea to completed form. So what does this make someone like Donald Judd? His work is fabricated in a machine shop. He does not have anything to do with the process of making the piece. I love his work but I hate knowing that someone else made it. But still, does that make him less of an artist? Or is he just an exception to me because I happen to like his work?

And what of Michelangelo and other Renaissance Masters? They had assistants doing a lot of the physical labor of their art. History would show that they are most certainly not lesser artists because of that. It confuses me. But in all, I really feel that a true artist has his or her hands in all parts of the process or the work is not truly their own.

Maybe I feel this way because I could not imagine wanting someone else to do work for me. A couple of years ago I had some waxes cast into bronze by a foundry in Berkeley and I hated that I had to give up part of the process. I feel that learning the techniques and processes necessary to create something is just as important as the act of coming up with an idea. Maybe even more so. Part of the act of creation is to take an idea and figure out how to make it come to life.

Many would disagree with me on this one and that's okay. Really this is just about me understanding what kind of artist I am. I generate ideas and I create forms. I learn through the act of making and I allow the forms to come to life on their own during the process. That's the kind of artist that I am.

Finger Update of the Day: I am happy to report that my finger is well on it's way to a full recovery. (See my previous post for the full story of how my finger got cut.) The scab fell off about a month ago and the skin of the tip of my finger had regenerated. But it was, and still is, very tender. At first I could not even touch the tip without it feeling so unbelievably sensitive. But it gets better every day as the skin gets thicker and tougher. Last week I was able to start practicing guitar again. That hurts after a while but it's progress. Unfortunately, it will be a little longer before my finger is completely back to normal.