Feeling More Productive

I seem to be partially past my funk from last week. I just could not seem to muster any interest in my art beyond tinkering with my website and doing a little bit of administrative work. Not the most exciting things to do but for some reason it seemed a lot more appealing than the Studio.

But it's not like I am back in the Studio and I probably won't be for a little while. Which makes me feel guilty. What is that place, a fancy-pants storage unit? But I am working on art. I am working at home, stone carving, which I can't do in my "clean studio". Just started today. To begin I am finishing up my second marble piece from this summer. There is little left to do, just surface finishing really. It will be complete tomorrow.

Then I am going to work on my first ever marble piece from 2002 which was never completed. It's in pretty bad shape as it has been sitting in my back yard for a few years now and it's got some tree sap and bird poop on it. But that's okay because my diamond blade will make quick work of removing quite a lot of unnecessary material that still remains.

I've also begun "art researching" which is my goal for this fall. To begin I am reading David Smith by David Smith on recommendation from my great friend My-Linh. I began reading this afternoon and I am really enjoying it. Reading Smith's ideas on art, his own practice, and his life in his own words is inspiring to me.

It's not like I want to be like him or make work that is of his style but some of his thoughts really speak to me. They are things I can relate to as an artist myself. I have to keep reminding myself that this is hard, often unrewarding work, that I have chosen to do. Reading established, respected artists say the same thing is helpful. I have to keep reminding myself why I do this. It's certainly not for the money. What are my motivations? What is important to me? Who am I doing this for? (Yes, grammar Police, I know I ended that sentence with a preposition. Creative License.)

Answers to these questions are sometimes hard to find and then sometimes easy and obvious depending on my state of mind. Today I can safely say that I make my art for Me: I do it as a way to satisfy my curiosity, to learn about myself, to contemplate the Universe and to enjoy life, among many other motivating factors.

David Smith Quote of the Day: Contemporary sculpture is expensive to make, difficult to exhibit and not easy to sell.

He's telling me!

Please Don't Tip the Scales

I have been feeling so weird about the Universe recently. Some kind of balance thing is happening and if I accidentally mess with that it could be disastrous for me. Or so it seems like.

Not to go into the details but lately there has been a rash of troubles affecting many people who are dear to me. There has been heartbreak, death, physical pain, emotional pain, confusion and sorrow. All different people; all different circumstances. And, though this is being totally selfish, it's really taking it's toll on me. I've been feeling a little depressed lately.

It's selfish of me because in reality my life is going great. I've got no complaints here. Well, except I didn't get that 10 hour a week clerical job. But to that I just say: Wasn't meant to be. Sure maybe that's an easy way to avoid being disappointed but really it's no big deal. It would have been convenient and a needed source of cash. Yet when I got the news I was not picked my reaction was just, "Eh." I'm continuing to look on Craig's List for more part-time opportunities that sound interesting and fit in with my art making. I found two yesterday. I'll see if anything comes of those and meanwhile will just keep doing my thing.

But all this bad stuff related to other people - man, it's so sad. I try to be there for them as best I can. Maybe my current good fortune and joy will help others. Unfortunately I'm feeling nervous. Like, I'm the Good balancing the Bad. So what happens to me when things turn around for all these other people? Maybe nothing but what if things start to go south for me?

I should stop thinking this way or else it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Come to think of it, 2005 had it's share of challenges for me. Maybe all this good is just balancing that out. Maybe I think Way, Way, Way too much.

I'm also feeling a little weird about how I have been spending my time lately. I just have no desire to make art right now. I finished up the final two pieces for my show in November last week. I've got various this and that left to do for the show itself but I'm totally on top of things. So, no stress or rush there. I still need to do the finish work on my second marble sculpture from this summer but that's on hold while my grinder is in the shop. I'm just feeling less than motivated these days. And my current state of unemployment doesn't help the unease. I don't know where my time is going.

I had already told myself that once I was done with work for the Sebastopol show that I would pause in my art-making. I feel like I've come to a certain point of completion with this body of work and now I need to figure out where I am going next. I am still very much interested in Order and Chaos and have a lot more to research and study ahead of me. What I have been doing for the past two and a half years is just a tiny, microscopic segment of a vast area of thought for me.

But I will tell you it is very hard, as a Creator, to allow myself to stop Making. 'Cause as an Artist, that's what I'm supposed to do right? Just hole up in the studio and make and make and make. I know, though, that the reading and research and thought process is just as important.

It's hard right now, though, to justify the cost of my studio when I'm hardly there and I am not making any art at the moment. Hopefully I can make it a place that's good for reading and research and not just for creating forms. Because right now the space is not very appealing.

Actually, it's funny. Right now my art in general is not very appealing to me. I'm not sure why. I know that I've had a really productive year so far; I've got an exhibition coming up that will showcase just that. Also, Open Studios is in December and that will give me a chance to show my stone work. So all in all, I have to give it to myself that 2006 has been a good year for me career-wise. I just don't know why I am feeling so out of sorts these days. Maybe the Universe is just fucking with me. Gotta go with the Flow.

Self-Promotional Moment of the Day: Check out "Salvaged" at STUDIO Gallery.

I went to the opening of this show (in which two of my small fabric pieces are included) last Saturday. And I've gotta say, this is the first time I actually feel like I fit in a show and that it is Good. The whole of the show, I mean. There is some really cool stuff. So, if you are in the SF Bay Area and have a chance, check it out. Details here..

Dressing the Part

Oh god. I dressed nice today. For a job interview (ten hours a week). In an office. The interview was at a CPA firm. The job, thankfully, is Not at that CPA firm. It's actually for a local non-profit. I would be doing financial data entry and clerical stuff. I met with the President and Treasurer (who's a partner at the CPA firm) of the Board of Directors.

Anyway, it was jarring getting dressed for this interview. Not because I don't ever dress nice. I have to look descent when I work at the Folk Art Gallery. It's just that I've gotten pretty used to being able to wear the same t-shirt three days in a row if I want to. And not showering before I leave the house. Stuff like that. It was difficult though because this was for an Office Job. I haven't done that for six years now. And I like it.

But lets face it, this Art Gig is not paying the bills. And the grant money is gone. I need more than what my job at the gallery gets me. So, here I am. Looking for work by falling back on my accounting skills. Don't want to, but I gotta.

The good news, if I get this job, is that it's very close to home and for only a couple of hours of day so it won't affect my time in the studio or ability to work at the gallery during the holidays. But still.....I left that cubicle life for a reason. I never was the Corporate Type. But I was good at what I did and still am and if I've got a skill that will gain me a few dollars I may as well use it.

I find out this afternoon if I get the job. I really hope I do because the situation is a very good fit for me and it is for a non-profit that does good things. So, it's not completely selling out.

************

Meanwhile, I have been spending a lot of time getting things organized for my show in November. And one of the things I have been doing is creating a book that explains the process I use to create the work I've made for the past, almost, three years. I have added this "book" to my art website. You can view it here. I hope that it will give people a better understanding of what I do. I look at it as a companion to my Artist Statement.

I have such a hard time explaining myself, sometimes. I feel like what I do is so obvious but then when I try to articulate it, it sounds complicated and convoluted. I hope that this "book" is clear. My sister helped me write it and she's a really good writer. I use her all the time, actually. She's helped me by editing my artist statement as well as a few grant letters I written in the past.

If you are going to be an artist you have got to be able to express, verbally, your ideas. But the irony is that people who choose to create art do so because that kind of visual expression is easier. So, we aren't the best writers in the world, usually. I'm so glad I've got someone in my life who can help me with that short-coming.

Birthday Shout-Out of the Day: Emily the Strange turns 13!

If you are lucky, like me, and live in the Bay Area you can go to the art show tonight at 111 Minna Gallery in SF. Cool!

Summer in the City

But Kitty, you think to yourself, it's the day after Labor Day. You can't write a post titled "Summer in the City". It's O-V-E-R!

Ah, but that's the beauty of living here in the Bay Area - summer has barely just begun. August, September, October. These months usually have some of our best days. Though that was such a drag growing up. You know, when school started. First you had all these brand new school clothes, for Fall. But it was too hot to wear them. So you go to school the first day in the same t-shirt and shorts you'd been wearing all vacation. And then you have to sit inside on a beautiful sunny day learning about quadratic equations. Insufferable!

But, hey I'm not in school anymore so I can play outside anytime I want during our Indian Summer. I admit, it helps that I don't have a "normal" job and my schedule is a little more flexible than others. But last Thursday afternoon I got to take the ferry to the City and play.

Eric was working at a conference all week and was done Thursday afternoon so I met him at the Hilton on O'Farrell where the conference was held. From the Ferry Building that is a good walk up Market Street. Most people take Muni but I really like walking Market. You see a lot of interesting things. Especially when you take the time to just stroll (I had an hour to kill before Eric was done) and really look around.

It was a beautiful day in San Francisco - so sunny and warm. It was a really peaceful walk despite the fact that it was a typical busy weekday on a typical busy city street. Here's some of the things I observed:

The usual homeless panhandling and selling Street Sheets - food vendors - pretzel and hot dog stands - Suits on their way back from lunch - visitors wearing conference badges - sirens blaring - ads for the new CW television station which is apparently Free to Be "Various One-Word Adjective" ( Free to Be a Time Waster but that's another post) - sidewalk cafes - drum circle - Hipsters - 5 seconds left on the cross walk sign, better hustle - tourists with packs (front and back) - stores where you can Buy Stuff - bike messengers having lunch - Muni street cars - wannabe Street Kids tokin' up - See's Candy (too crowded) - dudes on roller blades taking pictures - everyone moving So Fast!

It was crazy and I loved it all. It was probably one of the most relaxing walks I've ever had and I hike in the hills/in nature quite a lot. When I got to Powell Street stores beckoned me, but I resisted. The Gap is taking over. Baby Gap, Kids Gap, Gap for Women and Men. Where's Geriatric Gap? Forever 21 tells me about clothes that are Built Slim. Urban Outfitters shows me all the important "kistch". Did you know there's a book there that tells you how to make your own Ready-Made Stuff? You just have to buy it for $24.99 plus tax! The SideKick3 - You Want It - Some Store's Got It. French Connection UK calls itself FCUK. Am I the only one who thinks that's funny? For 50 cents I can turn a penny into a souvenir celebrating some 50th anniversary (1937 - 1987). Wouldn't that have been more relevant ten years ago?

And that was just the stretch from Market to Geary. I will admit I was really feeling the pull to Buy Stuff. I managed to avoid Rasputin's - stay strong. But I did check out the clearance items in Urban Outfitters and H&M. Oh, but so much work digging through it all. By the time I met up with Eric I hadn't spent a dime. I was proud of myself. I was going to buy a lollipop at the See's in Union Square just because they always give you a free chocolate sample when you are in line and 55 cents is not a lot to spend but they gave me one right away so I took it and left. Score!

I am actually kind of bummed at the current See's lollipop situation. First of all they just upped the price to 55 cents when it was 50 cents for a while and how convenient is just two quarters? But the worst is the flavor selection. When I was a kid the choices where: chocolate, coffee, butterscotch and peanut butter. And oh man did I love the peanut butter one. Then, in the early nineties they added more flavors like chocolate raspberry (very good), vanilla and toffee. Now all they have is chocolate, butterscotch, vanilla and cafe latte. Where's the peanut butter?! Of the four, only chocolate tastes descent. Where's the peanut butter? I am going to have to Write a Letter.

Which, by the way, is something I do. Write letters. And not just to complain either, though that's more often the case. Let me tell you something: nine times out of ten, writing a letter Gets You Stuff. If something comes of my See's Candy letter I'll share the results of that with you and also let you know about some of my previous correspondences.

Well, that's all for today, I suppose. It was a great play day last week but I've got work to do. Oh yeah, one more thing. That night Eric and I saw the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee which was totally hilarious. He went and stood in line at TIX to get second row seats for half price. A total tourist thing that locals (myself included) should take advantage of more often.

Spam Philosophy of the Day: The train is leavin' the station.