Last Night a DJ Saved My Life

Last night I went on a slight CD buying bender. It was pretty mild, actually. Only four CDs. I will admit, though - I Am a Music Junkie. Our album and CD collection at home is huge and just keeps getting bigger. I do have one rule: Average CD price must be ten dollars or less. That means most of our purchases are used or from Best Buy. Still, when you are a Junkie like me, ten dollars each adds up pretty fast.

We actually bent the rule a little bit this last time. See, we shopped at Border's because we had a bunch of Reward Certificates which we get from our Border's Reward Visa card. So it's not like we actually Spent Money. That doesn't count, right? Personally, I am not concerned that this is my money splurging habit. I don't drink coffee or smoke. And I hardly ever eat out. So this is my vice (well, one anyway). I just get so much pleasure from listening to music.

I really love most all music. Sure, I'm less fond of some genres but I'll listen to just about anything. Well, except Tom Waites or Neil Young. Their music drives me crazy. Yuck! Sorry to any Tom and Neil fans.

You know, sometimes a certain album will just Move me. It will create such a strong emotional response that I feel it physically inside of me. It is so powerful. And I love that. I need to hear music constantly. In the car, at home, the studio, the gym, work. Everywhere. I really enjoy finding out about new music, new artists, too. I work off and on at the Folk Art Gallery in San Rafael. We play a certain style of music there, as you can imagine, especially stuff produced by Putumayo. A lot of what they put out I am not totally into but I have discovered I love all of the discs with Groove or Lounge in the title. It's been fun finding out about all these different world artists.

I know A Lot of music. I have a really good retention for it. Personally, I am shocked at the brain's storage capacity. I can hear some song I haven't heard in twenty years and still remember every word. Where does all that knowledge go? I just keep cramming in more and more. Will there be some kind of storage limit eventually? It just makes me more aware of my limited understanding of how the brain works.

It's like language. We have the ability to remember thousands of words and then string them together in order to communicate. And we are able to do it without too much concentrated effort (at least most of us can - oh hey there, Prez Bush). I think that music is a great way to communicate. Whether through the lyrics or just the way the notes are put together - there is Meaning, Feeling, Understanding. Perhaps music is just another language to me and that is how I am able to remember so much and am so affected by it. Whatever the case, as Nietzsche said: "Without music, life would be a mistake." Works for me.

Here is a list of Ten Albums that create some kind of emotional/physical response in me. This is by no means comprehensive (there's actually way more than ten). And this is Not my Top Ten fave albums. That's actually impossible for me to determine. These are just ten examples of albums that make me Stir.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Howl

REM - Fables of the Reconstruction

Poe - Haunted

The Shins - Chutes Too Narrow

Led Zeppelin - Houses of the Holy

Saturday Night Fever - Soundtrack

Talking Heads - Little Creatures

Scissor Sisters - Scissor Sisters

The Harder They Come - Soundtrack

Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane

Bonus: Joe Dirt - Soundtrack. But I don't mean the soundtrack CD, I mean the soundtrack that plays when you watch the movie. They aren't the same. Hardly any of the good staff is on the CD.

Coming Up Fast: KT Tunstall - Eye to the Telescope. I just listened to that for the first time this morning. It was one of last night's purchases. I am really liking it so far.

Geek Revelation of the Day: Star Wars Special Edition Marathon

My good friend Suzanne and I, for many years, have gotten together for Movie Marathons. Usually three or four films tied together by a particular actor or director watched in a row. Tomorrow we are attempting what we consider our most ambitious Movie Marathon yet. And we have already done Lord of the Rings Extended Edition. However, that was done over two days. This time we are going to watch Stars Wars Episodes 1 -6 all in one day. This is our Iron Man, our Tour de France.

We'll have plenty of breaks, food, beverages to keep going during the long haul. We even came up with our own, simple, drinking game, for fun. We learned last year with Lord of the Rings not to go over-board on the drinking game rules. With rules like "One drink every time someone says 'Frodo'" and "One drink when anyone eats, drinks or smokes" and you'll be passed out before Pippen and Merry meet Treebeard.

Spungus = getting caught up in the music

Atheism vs. Agnosticism - Round One

An article in Monday's Chronicle (Atheists Hoping to Assert Rights in Religious Era) got me thinking about some of the issues I wrote about on 2/13/06. The article was pretty interesting actually. Though not terribly relevant to me. In a nutshell it's about this Atheist lobbyist organization called the Secular Coalition for America. It's devoted to Atheist causes, whatever those are. And they are trying to get reluctant Atheists to "come out" and be counted. They compare their "struggles" to those of the gay rights movement. I'm not sure I agree with the idea that Atheists are a repressed minority but hey, everyone has a right to their own Agenda.

What I did start to question, however, was my own belief system. Am I an Agnostic or am I an Atheist? I'm still just not sure. Here's how the dictionary defines the two:

Agnostic = a person who thinks that nothing can be known about the existence or nature of God -- a person who thinks that knowledge of all matters is relative

Atheist = a person who is in denial of the existence of God, particularly with regard to theistic formulations -- a person who uses godlessness in belief or as a guide in conduct

Okay. Now I really am unsure. How does my belief in the Underlying System/Spungus fit into all of this? I feel like I actually could be either. On the one hand, I don't feel there is any way to specifically know of the existence of God or whatever controls the World We Live In. But I don't believe that there is any form of God at all. All I can say for sure is that I believe there is something bigger than me that makes this Universe possible - and that we are all connected somehow to this Underlying System/Spungus. Is that God? I don't think so. I don't believe in God. So, what does that all mean?

I have no idea. I suppose maybe neither word describes me. I don't seem to fall into any particular category. And I don't really know too many other people who feel this way. It doesn't come up often in discussions at parties. Maybe I go to the wrong parties. I think that is part of the problem the Secular Coalition for America has been having in recruiting members. People just don't discuss these kinds of feelings openly.

For my part, I think the important thing is to find what works for each individual. I have absolutely no problem with anyone who chooses to align their beliefs with something organized: Christianity, Islamic, Judaism, Atheism - I know I am leaving other groups out, whatever, you get the idea. I actually think this path is a much simpler and efficient way of trying to figure out What It All Means. Someone has already done that and all you have to do is follow. My method is much harder. I am treading new ground here. I don't know where to begin, how to start, figuring out all these unanswered questions I have about the Universe, Life and Everything.

Maybe the next step is the Church of Spungus. No, no, that won't work. That word is aligned with Christianity. How about the House of Spungus? I'll work on it.

Website of the Day: The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

I was touched by his noodly appendage.

P.S. So what is up with that Webster's definition of Atheist saying the person is "in denial" about the existence of God? That's almost like saying there is a God but this kind of person just refuses to believe in Him. Hmmm. I may need to find other sources that define that word.

Trivial Stuff Part 2

I just remembered that I forgot to post the answers to the trivia question from last week.

Trivia Answer of the Day:

1) Fix

2) Line

3) Print

Spungus Works in Mysterious Ways

So, here is the interesting thing. I thought that the Resident Artist show at the Mendocino Art Center in April was a chance for all Resident Artists to show their work, any work. But it's actually a showcase of work done while a Resident at the Center. Okay, that totally makes sense. I am cool with that. But that means that I will be listed as a "Non-Exhibiting Resident Artist" since my Residency doesn't begin until after the show is up.

I'm a little bummed. Since I figured out how to do the mechanics of the corner installation I have been working on, I thought that would be a great time to show it. Now it's going to have to wait until my show at the Sebastopol Center for the Arts in November. I stressed and stressed because I couldn't seem to get the piece to work and now I have all this time until I need that information.

Ironic isn't it. I think that was Spungus just trying to get me to move on from the piece for a while. It does feel good to know that it won't take long to create since now I know how to do it. I might get ambitious even - put four installations in every corner of the gallery space. That could look really cool; it's a pretty small space.

I have talked about this piece a few times now without being very clear exactly what it is. I am sure you have been having a hard time imagining it. Well, I took some photos of my test pieces to give you an idea of what the installation will look like.

This is a picture of the first test piece I did. It is quite small. The longest length, the bottom section, is only five inches. I put them up with Velcro. Even then Gravity was a problem. The shortest sections held up fine. But by the time I got to the longest one, it wanted to pull down, not stay straight out. However, in this piece you can get a sense of what the actual installation will look like. Each section will have longer lengths, though, and there will be many more of them - spanning floor to ceiling. But the general look is the same.

This photo is of the successful attachment of two sections that are actual size. The longest length, the one on the bottom, is twelve inches. That was key. To get that twelve inch section to attach to the wall without it wanting to bend downward toward the ground.

If you have read any of my previous posts you will know the frustrations I went through trying to figure out how to make this work (throwing foam board across the room and all). So, I am sure you will understand why I am reluctant to spill my solution. Sometimes you just gotta keep the mystery.

Anyway, I think I will just concentrate on other projects for a while. I have the wax piece I started last week. And my MIG welding class starts tonight, so I've got that to concentrate on for the next 5 weeks. That's enough irons in the fire for right now. The bottle cap project is still up in the air but it's going to have to wait a bit.

I sometimes have a short attention span and as a result I'll usually have multiple projects going on at once. That's great sometimes. If I run into a stumbling block on one piece, I can walk away for a while and work on something else. But it's also good to concentrate on one thing at a time and stay focused.

I think I need to thank Spungus for helping me find some kind of resolution, or a good stopping place anyway, to the corner installation project. The wax piece is getting really complicated. I need to concentrate on that. I can't wait until it's complete. I hope it looks cool.

Sudoku Tip of the Day: Never Guess.

Seriously. If you can't say for certain, 100 percent, that a particular number goes in a box - Don't Put It There. It's possible you are wrong and then every move you make after that may be wrong as well. In the game of Sudoku, all logic must make sense.

Spungus - Always Keeps You Guessing

What is a "Real Artist"?

Hello. Hello.

I must say I had a very nice 3-day weekend. Lots of fun, food, friends, family, fine weather and Best of All, I did not dwell on my art Once. It was good to take a few days off. I posted some photos from yesterday. We went to Point Reyes Station to watch the Tour of California. The weather was perfect! We brought a bag lunch, set up our chairs along the street and enthusiastically cheered on the cyclists as they tore through town. After, Eric and I took our mutt Jasmine to Tomales Bay and the Beach for some frolicking. It was a great day on the coast - blue skies, calm breeze - just Beautiful. Another reminder (like I need many) of why I Love Where I Live.

Now I am back in the studio - but only for a bit. I am hooking up with Krista for some hang time today and tonight before she heads out of the Bay Area to continue her Joy Jump Journey. We are going to have a girls' slumber party tonight at another friends house. (**giggle** Maybe we'll paint each other toe-nails while we talk about Boys! Hah, not likely!! I am not that kind of a girl.) I have lots I could do art-wise today but I really want to take advantage of Krista's limited time here. Normally we don't see much of each other since we live in different states. We usually just connect annually at Carving Camp a.k.a. MARBLE/marble. I am feeling a little guilty about taking another day off, though, which brings me to the topic of today's post: What is a "real artist"?

I will be honest, I have high expectations as to what constitutes a "real artist". It can change, depending on how I am feeling, but a list of "criteria" may include:

• highly skilled and trained at a particular medium or mediums
• works in the studio all the time - a Workaholic
• work is viewed by others, i.e. in a gallery, museum, private collection, outdoor public space, etc.
• has large, cohesive body of work

I try to measure up to this list and know I have a Long Way To Go. I realize that this is ambitious, and maybe even a little unrealistic. But I am a perfectionist and this is how I push myself.

But I readily acknowledge that there are lots of other ways to measure what makes a person a "real artist". I think it's anyone with a Creative Idea who is not afraid to keep working at it until that idea is fully realized. Whether it is shared with the world is not as important as just fully exploring the idea. If it can be shared and maybe even enjoyed by others then that is just the icing on the cake. The real thrill is the constant exploration and discovery. That is what really does it for me, anyway.

I may be hard on myself at times - too hard even, I admit. But what keeps me coming back the next day, and the next day, and the next is this obsession to further explore my Creative Idea. I know that most of what I do and create is for me alone. I am not usually thinking about how my work might look in a gallery or whether it's marketable to the general public. I just want to make the things I see in my head for my own pleasure and satisfaction. I get frustrated with myself when I run into obstacles that make doing this very difficult. Those are the times that I refer to the above list and start to feel bad about my abilities as an artist. I know I shouldn't do that but I just can't help it. That feeling does pass, in time, though.

Deep down there really is no set definition of a "real artist". I just have to keep reminding myself that I am an "artist" simply because I create "art" and at the end of the day, the week, a life-time I may not meet any of the list criteria but at least I got up each morning and tried.

Now, if only I could do something about the guilt I feel when I am not working hard on my art all the time. But in the name of maintaining special relationships I am going to squash that feeling today and play with my friends. The studio will still be here tomorrow.

Learned Lesson of the Day: Be Good to Yourself - and Play!

Spungus = A Perfect Day at the Beach

Photos - February 20, 2006

Tour of California, Tomales Bay, South Beach.

Awaiting the riders at Point Reyes Station.

The Peloton coming into the turn.

More riders coming into town.

Jasmine gets her paws wet at Tomales Bay.

Jasmine loves chasing sticks.

Playing in the surf at South Beach - Point Reyes.

A perfect way to end the day.

Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

I must say, for a cold, rainy day today is turning out to be a pretty good one. First of all, let me just note for the record that Trivia Team "Baby Fish Mouth" won third place last night and was "in the money". We figure everyone from fourth place on down must be pretty dumb. We were pleasantly surprised at our little victory, none-the-less.

The trip to the Legion of Honor this morning was really nice. If you are in the Bay Area I highly recommend going to see "After the Ruins, 1906 and 2006: Rephotographing the San Francisco Earthquake and Fire". It is a great exhibition of photos from right after the Earthquake and photos of the same spots taken within the last couple of years. It runs until June 4th. My mom and I had a really good time. And of course, the Rodins were a treat, as always.

After we got back, I made a quick visit to the studio. I have been trying, for the last few weeks, to figure out the logistics for a corner installation I would like to do with fabric-wrapped foam board. This is the same piece that caused me to throw the foam board across my studio. I mentioned that in my post on February 9th. I am happy to report that after combining two suggestions from my great support team (Krista and hubby, Eric), I have Figured It Out. I have successfully figured out how to attach each piece to the wall! Now I can actually make the pieces that will make up the installation. The final thing to work out is finding a place to install it. I am hoping I can do it for the Resident Artist Show in April at the Mendocino Art Center. I just have to call them and see if there is space for it. I sure hope so.

Quite an attitude change from a couple of days ago, I know. I am like that. Very mercurial. I let my emotions run pretty crazy when it comes to my art. The highs, like today, feel pretty awesome compared to the deep lows I let myself get into. I wonder if I do this on purpose? I have always suspected that most artists have some degree of Manic/Depression in them, even if only slightly. It's an emotional roller-coaster ride, baby, and I am on it. And so are you if you decide to keep reading this Blog.

It's the President's Day Holiday weekend coming up and I have decided to Chill Out and Have Fun. The rain is supposed to pass along by Sunday. I really hope Monday is nice because Eric and I would like to go to the coast and watch a part of the First Ever Tour of California bike race. Stage Two runs right through our county, Sausalito to Santa Rosa. It should be exciting!

So, have a great weekend, however you choose to spend it. And I'll see you next week.

Trivia Question of the Week: For each set of three words, find a word that they have in common.

1) Pickle, Price, Cure

2) Blood, Under, Water

3) Small, Blue, Foot

Ok, so maybe not "trivia" but it's the only thing I can remember from the Quiz last night. Answers next Post.

Spungus is not the Answer (to the trivia question, at least).

Trivial Stuff

Progress was made today. I approached the project that I scrapped yesterday in a different way. So far, so good; it's working. I was able to do at least one part of the piece anyway. I just have to do the same thing seven more times. Then join all the parts together and the sculpture will be complete. Phase One, at least. I didn't mentioned that I am working in wax, hoping to cast in bronze. As someone once said, lost wax casting is like making the same sculpture Three Times. At least I didn't start from clay and make a mold to cast into wax. That eliminates one of the Three Times. I am fabricating the form in wax, which means It'll be One-of-a-Kind. Not that I ever work in Series, so it doesn't matter to me.

I just Knock Wood I can repeat what I did this afternoon. You know, I was able to do more in Three Hours today than in the last Three Days. I quit early just so that I didn't jinx the whole deal. Finish on a High Note, you know. I don't plan to do much work in the studio tomorrow so this would be a nice way to end the week.

My Mom is here for a few days. She lives in Los Osos (California Central Coast) and comes to visit several times a year. One of the things she loves to do is go to Trivia Night at our local British Pub. Personally, I've gotten a little tired of going every time she visits but she has fun so we do it anyway. They have good Fish and Chips and Boddington's on tap so it's not like I have a horrible time. My Brother and Sister-in-Law are joining us tonight as well. They live in Sacramento. Two more brains will help. Our team, "Baby Fish Mouth" doesn't usually score very high but occasionally we are "in the money" at the end of the night. I'll try to remember a couple of good trivia questions and share them with you next post.

Tomorrow I am going to take my Mom to the Legion of Honor. I love to look at the Rodins. It'll be nice to look at some art that is not mind for a while. The only thing is, sometimes I am so impressed with the talent of Master Artists that have come before me that I get a little overwhelmed. I realize how far I still have to go in my Art Practice and Career. It's humbling. But in a good way. It also inspires me to just keep working hard. There are definitely bad days, bad weeks even. But I've just got to keep getting up the next morning and trying again. Like today. Three steps back, one step forward. But I sure as hell won't get wherever it is I am trying to get if I stop completely.

DVD of the Day: Corpse Bride

I watched it again last night. Oh, that movie is so sweet and funny and well made. And you've gotta love the voices. The skill of the animators and the puppeteers just blows me away. I struggle with how to fabricate some small wax sculpture that I see in my head and these people bring a whole world to life. Humbling, indeed.

Trying to End on a Good Note

I realize that my last post was a little self-depreciating. You've got to understand I had just completely thrown out three days of work and now have to start from Square One. That is hard to take. If there are any artists out there reading this, do you sometimes do that too? Because I really can't stand feeling like my efforts go to waste.

I just got back from taking a Spin class so I am feeling a little better. Exercise is something I do pretty well. It's my anti-depressant, or at least a good distraction from my troubles. Speaking of doing things well. While I was wallowing I couldn't help but make a mental list of all the things I "Do Well" and all of the things I "Don't Do Well". It was kind of grim. I will admit I wasn't very nice to myself. But there was one thing I did include in the "Do Well" list that I would like to share with you.

A while back I had developed a dairy free Chicken Mole Enchiladas recipe because I am lactose-intolerant. Recently I made a Vegan version and it received rave reviews. Even if you are not a Vegan you might want to give this a try. It's really yummy and very good for you.

Vegan Recipe of the Day: Mole Enchiladas

Filling:

2 1/2 cups shredded carrots
1/2 cup shredded soy cheese (I like Monterey Jack style)
1/3 cup finely chopped onion
1/3 cup minced fresh cilantro
1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
Minced dried chili peppers (type and amount to taste)**
1/2 - 1 cup Sweet potato Puree (recipe follows)

1 cup mole sauce (Home-made or I recommend Dona Maria brand mixed with Vegetable Stock)

12 corn tortillas

** There needs to be some amount of spice to counter-balance the sweetness of the carrots and sweet potato puree. I use 2 -3 dried Thai chilies because I like it spicy.

Preheat Oven to 400 degrees.

To prepare enchilada filling, in a large bowl combine ingredients carrots through chili peppers. Add sweet potato puree until desired consistency. Spread 1/2 cup mole sauce in bottom of a 13x9 inch baking pan coated with vegetable oil.

Warm tortillas. This is how I like to do it: Wrap stack of tortillas in wax paper and then in a terry kitchen towel. Place in steamer insert set over one inch of water in a large pot. Bring water to boil and cover. Boil for one minute. Turn off heat and keep covered for 15 minutes.

Spoon about 1/3 cup enchilada filling down center of each tortilla; roll up. Arrange enchiladas, seams side down, in dish. Pour remaining mole evenly over enchiladas. Cover and bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Serve and Enjoy.

Sweet Potato Puree:

5 pounds sweet potatoes
3/4 cup orange juice
3 tablespoons margarine/butter substitute

Place sweet potatoes on foil-lined baking sheet, prick in several places. Bake at 350 degrees for one and a half hours, until tender. Let cool then peel or scrap out insides of sweet potatoes. Mix sweet potatoes in a heavy sauce pan with the orange juice and margarine. Cook over medium-low heat for about 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper.

This recipes makes more than enough sweet potato puree for the enchiladas recipe so you could probably cut this recipe in half. But I love the leftovers so I usually make the whole batch.

If you make this and like it, let me know. I'd love feedback. One suggestion: use fresh, organic, locally grown/produced ingredients, if you can.

Spungus = Food Nirvana

Falling Further Into Despair

I am at an all time low right now. Days have gone by where no kind of progress has been made in my work. I am totally unable to make my ideas reality. Either my skills are a failure or my ideas are not possible. Whichever, it doesn't matter. The end result is that I am not making any art. It is just time wasted, time wasted, time wasted. I tinker with ideas and have nothing to show for it. Just what the hell do I think I am doing with my life? I am an "artist"? Where is the work to show that? I will tell you where - the Garbage Can. Everything I have done since last fall is Shit. I am seriously ready to chuck this pipe dream out and get a "real job". I may be unhappy doing some 9 to 5 office job but am I happy right now? Kind of hard to tell at the moment but I'm leaning toward "no".

The least I can do is keep up the Blog. But let's face it, this whole Spungus concept is just a bunch of words anyway. This means nothing. If anyone is actually reading this, they are probably saying to themselves: "What a load of self-indulgent crap. Just who does this person think she is?"

Indeed.

Moment of Truth of the Day: I am not a real artist.

A Question of Spirituality

Saturday was not a great day. My husband and I drove down to San Jose for a memorial service for my uncle who died last month. It was difficult for many reasons. On that day, seven years ago, my father passed away. It was just five days after his 71st birthday. I have since come to terms with my father's death but still, this time of year, I think of him more than usual. So, there was additional sadness on this day.

This was the second service for my uncle. The first was a few weeks ago at his church in Sacramento. That service was very nice. Not too religious, though it was held in a church. My uncle was a banjo player and members of his banjo band played. That was the best part. The service on Saturday was at the cemetery where his ashes were inurned. I have a really hard time attending multiple memorial services. This is the third family member of mine who has had more than one service. I just don't like it. It's like you have to re-grieve. Once is enough.

What I really disliked about the service on Saturday was the "sermon" that the church officiant gave. There was all this scripture reading and praying. I don't know exactly how religious my uncle was but I just could not believe that he would have wanted this kind of service. It did not feel joyful at all. I know that I was not in the least bit comforted by this overly religious service. In fact, I was a little offended.

My immediate family has never been terribly religious though I was baptized Methodist. I have never attended church regularly. In high school I was involved in a Lutheran church youth singing group but I did not belong to that church nor did I share in the worshiping elements of the youth group. It was more of a social outlet for me. Still, I did use that time to learn about faith and try to determine my own personal set of beliefs. I concluded that I just don't believe in God or organized religion. I respect other people's faith but do not wish to share in their practices or beliefs. I tend to have a more scientific approach to the creation of Man and the Universe. But that doesn't mean I don't wonder how we got here.

What amazes me most about life and the universe is that so many factors, over time, have come together to make it possible for me to be sitting here right now typing on my laptop and posting this blog to the internet. To me that is truly a miracle. One small, miniscule, immeasurable change in all that has come before this moment and none of this might exist at all.

For a while now that amazement and wonder has formed the basis for my art. Trying to figure out, in my own way, how this world has come to be. What is behind it all? If not an Omniscient Being, than what? Before, I was content to believe that there was nothing more to life than what I could see before me. There was no Greater Purpose. We live and then we die. There is nothing after. But then I would contradict myself with platitudes like "things happen for a reason" and "everything works out the way that it is suppose to." Isn't that a kind of belief in a Force that is Greater than me? Is there something out there that is guiding my life?

In my art, I call that Force an "Underlying System". Recently I have given that System the name Spungus. It is scary to come to terms with feeling this way, though. I see know that I have a spiritual side that I didn't even know existed. Now there is something I believe in that exists on faith alone; it is not plain for me to see. I believe that is why I see the sculptures I create as the physical embodiment of all this, the physical form of Spungus. If it is in front of me, actual and visible, then it is a lot easier to believe. As they say, Seeing is Believing.

I always say that I never know what, exactly, my art will look like when it is finished because the System is creating the forms, not me. I even let other factors/forces choose the physical makeup of each piece. Generally, I use materials that I have on hand rather than make predetermined choices regarding how the work will look. Is the System/Spungus guiding my hand or am I really the one making all the decisions? If I choose to believe there is something bigger than me controlling these creations than, in a way, I don't have to take responsibility for the outcome. To me that feels like what others are doing when they choose to follow an organized religion. Though I claim to not be religious, how am I any different?

I find it very interesting that many of my sculptures are incredibly fragile. I seem to use my art as a way to bring about some kind of stability into my Unstable, Unpredictable World. This is my attempt to create a physical form for the Underlying System. So then why are the actual sculptures so unstable? Even the process of making these objects is precarious. Gravity is an obstacle I continue to have to overcome in order to bring these forms to life. Why, in a quest for stability do I make unstable art forms? It almost seems counterintuitive.

It feels like my art constantly wants to challenge gravity; to live in spite of it. Is this coming from the System, from Spungus? Or am I just drawn to challenges? Do I have an inordinate need to achieve seemingly impossible tasks? What drives me to make art that is so tenuous, unstable, fragile, challenging? Is this how I see life as well? Do I believe in Spungus as a way to find comfort in an Uncertain World or does the world seem uncertain to me because I have created the concept of Spungus? Which is harder: To believe in Nothing or to believe in Something?

Questions yet to be explored and answered.

Zen Moment of the Day: Working outside in sunny, 72 degree weather in a short-sleeve shirt. Ah, winter in California.....

The Answer is Blowing in the Wind

I am definitely feeling better today than yesterday. It helped to be away from the studio for the day. I went to the gym, worked in the yard. My friend Krista came over and I let her use my computer to work on her Burning Man project proposal. Later I made us this totally awesome vegan feast for dinner. I am not a vegan but she is and cooking a killer meal that met her dietary needs was really satisfying and healing for me. All in all it was a good day to just dive into some other activities and not worry about the art for a while. We did go over to my studio for a bit, however, to talk about the logistical problems with my current projects. Talking with her helped me to come up with some alternative solutions. Sometimes you just need to step back and look at things more objectively. I find that it really helps when I discuss my concepts with someone else. It's like viewing the work through another's eyes lets me see things more clearly. I don't have definite answers but at least I have some starting point to try something new.

I've really been feeling low about my art practice these last few days and it's brought up some questions in my mind. Why does everything I do look so much better in my head than reality? Is it that I always strive for perfection? Is it unrealistic expectations? When my art doesn't live up to my ideals than I really start to dislike the work. I am begining to think that I am being unfair to the art. It can't help it if it lives under certain constraints. Krista believes that loving the art instead of fighting against it is what makes it come alive. I think I feel like my art making is a battle to be won and when I am able to bend it to my will than I have succeeded. But at what price is this success? How healthy is this?

If this is how I view my artmaking, do I use this kind of thinking in other aspects of my life? I know I have always been a perfectionist. It's sometimes hard for me to accept my faults. And I get really upset when things don't go perfectly the way I plan. But if I encounter others who make mistakes and don't live up to their own expectations I am always the first one to point out the benefits of just accepting things as they are. I seem to have trouble listening to my own advice sometimes.

I seem to constantly ask myself: Why do I make my life so hard? And by life I mean my art. It seems like I am a glutton for punishment and I need to be making work that is difficult and frustrating and sometimes even defies the laws of nature. Often it feels like gravity is my worst enemy. I come up with these images in my head about a what a particular sculpture will look like. But when it comes time to make it than I suddenly have to face unexpected challenges as a result of the laws of gravity and force. Things never come out perfectly as I imagine and then I feel a certain level of disappointment. Very infrequently am I truly satisfied with the end result of one of my sculptures.

It's almost like a validation for me. If it's not hard, than is it even worth doing? By trying to achieve what may be the impossible I am challenging myself, that is true. But should I be pushing against the grain so much that I throw foam board across my studio in frustration? You know that fable about the reed bending in the wind? I think I need to start being more like the reed.

Song of the Day: "What the World Needs Now Is Love" by Burt Bacharach

For some reason this song kept going through my head while I was planting flowers in the front yard. I think it's time I start giving my art some Love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of.

Spungus = Love (?)

Is the System Working Against Me or Am I Working Against the System?

Okay, here goes:

The last two days at the studio have been beyond horrible. I just feel like everything I want to make is both not possible and a bad idea artistically. The piece I've been working on this week is just not working. Not only has it been hard to create what I envision, the more I looked at it while I constructed it the more I realized: this looks like shit. I finally just abandoned the project all together. I need a different approach but I can't come up with any good solutions. I feel like all of my ideas are just worthless pieces of crap. Like, what is the point of my art anyway? Why am I doing this? What gives me the idea that I am some kind of talented artist?

So, I moved on to something else, anything else. Mostly to keep from crying. (P.S. That didn't work). I did some more work on the bottle caps. The jump rings just aren't working out. Doesn't keep the circles flat. That's alright, I can use wire instead. But the real frustrations came when I started to stack up some of the test circles of varying sizes to see how the look one on top of the other and to contemplate how to attach them. It's hopeless. I have no idea how this is going to work. I have a vision in my head of what the piece should look like but I don't see any way of making this happen.

Honestly, I just do not feel capable at all right now. And it doesn't help that I think I'm coming down with a cold (started hitting the Vitamin C pretty hard today) and I have PMS. Oh, and my husband has been out of town all week. So, I don't even have anyone to come home to who will feel sorry for me. I am pathetic. I just hate when I have these low days. I know as an artist it comes the territory but it seems like the low days usually out number the highs.

Whew! I'd love to say that getting all that out has made me feel somewhat better but the truth is I still feel like a whole lot of shit. I will reflect further in the morning. I think the best thing for me to do right now is make some hot tea, watch The O.C. and then go to bed.

Best Moment of the Day: After I lost it and threw a piece of foam board across my studio, one of my studio-mate's black lab came to comfort me with tail wags and puppy kisses. It was a fleeting moment but I felt good at the time.

Oh, Spungus, Help Me Get Through the Night.

What A Tool

Tool. I have always loved that word. As a derogatory remark it's so much fun and funny. You are such a Tool. It's just fun saying that. Almost as good as Jerky or Stupid-Head Dummy-Face. But why be negative all the time. Let's consider the word's more common Webster's Dictionary definition: anything which, held in the hand or hands, assists a person to do manual work.

In art it seems like having the right tool is half the battle. I swear I spend more time in the studio struggling because I lack the best tool for the job than being at a loss for new ideas. For a while now I have been trying to figure out how to make a sculpture I imagine out of bottle caps. I've even recruited many people to save caps for me. I need like over two thousand. I have been saving caps for a few years now but I'm still trying to reach the magic number. Which is fine because for some reason it's been so hard just figuring out how to join the caps together.

Doesn't seem that difficult, right? Well, at first I thought about braising the caps with a torch but that didn't really strike me as practical. Then I considered making a hole and using that to somehow cold-fasten the caps together. I went to my local, employee-owned hardware store looking for suggestions. I love that place, though I get lost in it. The people who work there actually know a thing or two about a thing or two. But unfortunately, the enthusiastic clerk just didn't know the right tool for me. He convinced me that a Pin Punch would do it. Well, not so, as I found out 4 dollars later. But that's okay.

I soon realized I just needed a drill press and a drill bit and voila - one hole coming up. But I don't own a drill press. Well, I kind of don't. The last time I was at my Mom's house I picked up this "drill press" that was in my Dad's workshop. But it wasn't the kind of drill press I was hoping for. It was like this kind where you set up your drill driver into and then it makes the hand tool a drill press. Well, that would have been fine 20 years ago but my drill driver was way too big for the sucker. I think the battery pack was in the way. So, I felt like I was back at Square One.

And then it occurred to me, all I needed was a way to secure the bottle cap so that I could keep it upright while I drilled a hole. Two cuts on my miter saw later and I had the right contraption. Add a C-clamp and I was in business. So, here we are. I am totally able to drill a hole in a bottle cap - no fancy tool required. That feels like a first for me. I am using jump rings - a common fastener in the jewelry-making world - to hold them together.

But that just solves step one. The sculpture I would like to make involves many levels of circles of bottle caps all stacked together. Now that I can make the circles, how to get them to connect to one another? Oh, it's never ending.

Quote of the Day: "It's a tool that every home handyman needs! It's a jigsaw! It's a power drill! It's a wood-turning lathe! It's an asphalt spreader! It's 67 tools in one!"

-- TV announcer on The Simpsons from the episode "Itchy and Scratchy and Marge"

Spungus - the Ultimate Tool!

I Enjoy Being a Girl

Yesterday the new welding gloves I ordered came in the mail. I had to order on-line because I need size small and that is a hard thing to find at your typical welding supply store. Apparently only men or women with man-hands weld in this World. But fortunately there is Charm and Hammer which specializes in "safety gear for hardworking women". Well, I could not resist also ordering a pair of Pink Safety Glasses. I love them. Just because I am able to grind steel, pour molten metal, or cut marble with a nine-inch diamond blade does not mean I can't look cute while doing it.

I really needed the new welding gloves because my last ones got a little burnt up and deformed at an Iron Pour back in 2004. I haven't welded in a couple of years so I am taking a MIG class at the Crucible in Oakland to brush up on my welding skills. (I figure I'll work on my numchuck or computer hacking skills in the spring). I have this idea for the sculpture I want to make during the class. I was able to scavenge close to 200 galvanized steel tubes that are about 2 feet long each. Score! Hopefully the facilities won't have a problem with the galvanization. But I plan to grind it away at the weld points so there shouldn't be a problem with fumes. The class starts two weeks from today. I am looking forward to it.

I worry about the size and eventual weight of this sculpture, though. If I go with my plan it could get pretty big. I always seem to worry about size and weight. I think that is my feminine side coming out. I am pretty strong for my size (which is petite) but I do have trouble lifting. And I think there are times that it makes me insecure. As a result I often work in smaller scale and in more lightweight materials just so I don't need people's help. I really hate relying on others. I'd rather just do everything myself. I think that is my prideful loner side coming out. I might want to work on that someday.

Song of the Day: "Breakfast in Bed", Dusty Springfield, from Dusty in Memphis

I am so bummed. I can't find our Dusty in Memphis Rhino Reissue CD. Fortunately I already uploaded it to iTunes. Oh, what would I do without iTunes? But it still bums me that I can't find the actual CD. I am definitely an old-schooler - I like having the physical music. Not a big down-load-albums fan. Anyway, this is a great reissue. It's got all of Dusty in Memphis and then an entire albums worth of other songs recorded at that time and in the following years, including some unreleased tracks. You can find it pretty cheap at most retail record stores. Check it Out!

Until next time, yours in Spungus.

A Little Back Story

Where Did Spungus Come From?

Spungus began as a goof. A dare, even. A group of friends sitting around the table at a dinner party (isn't that how most ideas are hatched?) discussing the absurdity of the word. It wouldn't be until months later I'd learn that the word Spungus previously existed, however. But none-the-less, the word made us laugh. How, we asked, could we get this "new word" into common lexicon? Immediately, the internet was suggested. Spungus.com - now that's the name of a great website. But how to promote it? What about a t-shirt? A vague, mysterious t-shirt. Something that would make a person ask the question: What is Spungus?

And thus, the Spungus T-shirt was born. Most have been given away to friends as a way to promote the website. When the question was posed: If I gave you a Spungus T-shirt, would you wear it? Most said yes, but do they? I don't really know.

What Does Spungus Mean?

Since the launch of the Spungus Store in December 2005, there has been very little response and feedback to the website. At first I chalked it up to the fact that typically these ideas have a tendency to grow slowly. But deeper sole-searching told me that Spungus was too big to be used only as a goof, a private joke between friends. If I posed the question to others: What Does Spungus Mean to You? Then wouldn't I have a certain responsibility to turn the question around on myself? I realized that I was afraid to confront the idea of Spungus. How could I possibly expect others to do what I was unwilling?

I am a visual artist with my own sculptural practice (kittygsculpture.com) but for some reason I refused to see Spungus as one of my art projects. It was more like my side hobby. I was determined to keep Spungus anonymous and separate from my other artistic concepts. But how could Spungus possibly not be part of my art? It came from me and was becoming just as important to me as my other creations. I was just unable to see the link until recently.

What Does Spungus Mean to Me?

And that is the important question. In my art I am constantly trying to find and bring into my visual space the underlying System that I believe guides the universe and my life. Where is the Order in this Chaotic World? I ponder that question in my Artist Statement and use it is a building block for the art that I make. In the past I never believed myself to be a very spiritual person but the more I contemplate this the more I realize this is my attempt to make sense of the Universe and my place in it. I now feel that Spungus is the name for this Enormous Orderly System that I search for while making my art.

I still can't fully answer the question: What is Spungus? Perhaps I will spend my whole life searching for this meaning and that is my purpose in this World. But I do know that my art and Spungus are one and will no longer treat each as a separate entity.

What is the SpungusBlog?

I hope to use this blog as a way to share my experiences in my quest for the Meaning of Spungus. It will be an outlet for my feelings: frustration, elation, revelation, contemplation (ok, now I am just sounding like an INXS song). But you get the idea. And don't think that this is some kind of serious Spiritual Undertaking I am about to embark on. Yes, this is serious - it is about me contemplating my place in the Universe after all. But I still think Spungus is a really funny word, and idea. If we can't laugh, at least a little, while we try to figure out: What Does It All Mean?, then what's the point. Life's too short not to have fun! Hope you stick around for the journey.

Spungus - It's the Experience!

What is Spungus?

Welcome to Complex Universe - the SpungusBlog. Created for the purposes of exploring the ideas of Spungus, the Universe, and my art. Stay Tuned.